To the survivor, read this. To the ones in need of help, read this.

McCOOK Neb. - Every August comes some sort of sadness over me, as time goes on it’s lessened but hopefully one day it’ll be just another day. August 17, 2017 my life changed forever in a split second.

Even as the years pass, and things get better it’s just naturally engraved in your mind when your life flashes before your eyes at the hands of another person. You practice forgiveness, give yourself hella grace and you pray for that person more than for yourself. And you PUSH.

You’d be left with no choice but to fight for your life while 35 weeks pregnant, be forced to pack up your entire life you had, resign from your dream job, immediately change your number and move 17 hours away from everything you had and knew. You’d lose friends and extended family, too.

But first. First you had to get help. You had to sit with CSI for hours going over details, you’d have to undress for pictures, and get poked and prodded by doctors, social workers would come in and out, you’d have to see your house taped off and 28 CS markers from bullets, spent shells, magazines, defects or holes in your wall/floor from where the bullets hit along with other evidence, you’d see your names in the newspapers with updates on what happened in your home at the hands of the man you loved so, so much. You’d also be made to make those court dates and answer difficult questions with what dignity and grace that you have left when you’d just want to scream. It would almost be easier to just stay… IT IS NOT.. the devil is a liar. it’s just what’s present, not what’s waiting beautifully ahead.. This too, will pass.

You also might be the blame of someone else’s complete and utter disregard for another persons life. It will be okay though. You survived.

This isn’t love ladies (or men) No man would ever allow their significant other to go through any of that. No man will violate you sexually, physically, emotionally, mentally or spiritually. EVER.

That day left me in turmoil for so long but I didn’t have to let it and more so now I’m working on it. Yes, 7 years later. In so many ways I felt I lost so much, but I gained so much more looking back. I fought hard for not only myself but others in the same shoes who couldn’t speak their truth. Domestic violence is just that, domestic violence… and when victims can’t/don’t or just won’t speak up, get scared out of testifying, or go back, it’s hard for the system to provide insight, fight and “win” or even advocate for battered women. I advocated for myself before I had a true domestic violence advocate. I just spoke from my pain hoping Illinois, specifically the Chicago area would hear me and provide more for other survivors. I spent 3 years with countless people in the courts, the state attorney, the judge and others in and around Kankakee. My voice was heard but only with pure tenacity and strength that I barely had. You never want “your case” to be that case used to be the voice being a survivor of domestic gun violence BUT I had an amazing team (still do) that fought in my name and Isabella’s too, in hopefully protecting other women from their abusers, in and outside of family court and that right there kept me going. And keeps me going.

There is life after separation. There is life after abuse. I promise it does get better and you are deserving of TRUE LOVE. ❤️ You will find a man who will love you unconditionally, who will pick up the broken pieces and create what you didn’t think was obtainable.

Domestic violence FACTS:

nearly 20 people per minute are physically abused by an intimate partner in the United States (more than 10 million wo/men a year)

The presence of a gun in a domestic violence situation increases the risk of homicide by 500%

On average, it takes a woman 7 attempts to leave an abusive relationship for good.

There IS help. There IS hope. There IS recovery.

Below are numbers for help, a reminder that divorce/break ups are OK and an email from one of the best, Carrie S who fought so hard all the way up to the Supreme Court in our case.